Emotional Intelligence | Genius IQ Parenting

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Many parents are becoming aware of the significance emotional intelligence genius iq plays in having a happy and fulfilling life. Recent studies have shown that a person's emotional intelligence quotient is a better predictor of success in life than their IQ. Because emotional intelligence skills are learned rather than inherited, parents want to raise their children in a manner that encourages the development of emotional intelligence. I am one of those parents. But I was never really sure how to do that. For many of us, it wasn't modeled during our own childhood. My daughter's stuffed animal provided an amazing illustration of the power of letting my child fully feel her emotions (one of the ways of promoting emotional intelligence) and of increasing my own genius iq emotional intelligence.

This particular day she brought her new stuffed animal which she got for Valentine's Day with her to dance class. She and another little girl often bring their stuffed animals to "play" with each other while the girls take class.

I picked her up from dance at 7:30 pm and hurried her along to get her home so my wifer and I could have our dinner. Usually she likes to change her clothes at the dance studio, so this was a departure from her usual routine.

After arriving home and beginning to change her clothes, she realized that she left her stuffed animal at the dance studio. Her reaction was immediate - she was very upset and began to cry almost uncontrollably about her "love frog," and how she just got him and now he was at the studio and was leaving to be lost or stolen and that she wanted to go right back and get him. And how it was all her my fault because I wouldn't let her change her clothes (her usual routine). Her grief was obvious. I could feel the ache in my heart for her depression. Unfortunately, the studio was now closed.

I called the studio to see if the instructor was still there, but as I alleged, she was gone. This improved my daughter's agitation and she was having difficulty calming herself.

In the meantime, although my heart hurt for her, the thoughts going through my head were "I've told you not to bring toys to dance," "I'll buy you another one if that one is lost" "You were responsible for keeping track of your toy" and the like.

But I knew that if I said those things to her, it would only have made things worse. It may have escalated the condition to where she would have done or said something disrespectful resulting in a time out or other result. None of it would have changed the situation. It would only have caused me to feel guilty for letting the situation spin out of control. And left me wondering how it happened. Finally, it would not have recognized her feelings of sadness, loss and feeling upset with herself.

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I also remembered times in my own childhood when I felt grief-stricken over some loss or other, but had no one to help me identify what I was feeling. My parents would tell me that I was making a big deal out of nothing and it was my own fault anyway. If it went on too long, they would tell me to stop crying or they would give me something to cry about. They didn't know how to break through their own discomfort when their child was feeling miserable, so they did the best they could to make the feelings go away quickly. They couldn't identify their own feelings, let alone help me figure out mine.

So I decided to let her feel her feelings even though it was uncomfortable for me. At first, it was very uncomfortable. We all feel uncomfortable when another person is experiencing strong emotions. As a parent you can't help but be affected by your child's desperate sobs over a lost toy. You want to do anything to help your child feel better. But, at the same time you are annoyed that she is having a meltdown over something that could have been prevented. I was determined to do what I could to help and let her work through her feelings and come to some conclusions on her own without letting my inconsistent feelings about the situation get in the way.

One thing I did was to sympathize with her and prompt her to identify her feelings. I said things like "I know you feel badly about leaving your toy behind" and "You're feeling frightened that your toy will not be there tomorrow" and "you are angry with yourself that you forget your toy." I also took action - I called her dance teacher at house to find out if she set up the toy and put it in a safe place. The teacher did not answer, so I left a message asking for a return call.

As we waited for the dance teacher to call us back, my wife and I ate our dinner and did not draw attention to the problem or try to persuade our daughter out of her upset, and to our great delight, my daughter slowly began to calm to herself down. She got concerned in an activity and then prepared for bed. When she answered the return phone call from the dance teacher letting her know that her doll was safe and could be picked up in the morning, she was already cool and uncomplaining the fact that the doll would not be back until the next day.

I felt great about not letting my daughter's problem become a bigger problem. I was calm and guilt-free and was able to enjoy my dinner and discussion with my wife.
My daughter later said to me "thank you daddy for helping me feel better about forgetting my love frog." That moment was precious. And I learned a valuable parenting lesson about letting my child experience her feelings and validating those feelings without having to "fix" the situation. I also learned to let myself feel my distress and get through it. It's incredible how often I have used this new emotional intelligence genius iq skill since that night.

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