Well Lets Get Know What Being Emotionally Intelligent Does Not Mean Actually

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An Emotionally Intelligent past customer has been described as one who has discovered the most effective way to CONTROL and USE his/her emotions to achieve improvements in performance and learning. From the above, one can correctly infer which the ability to CONTROL and USE one's emotions to actualize set goals is what will make a person qualify to be referred to as Emotionally Intelligent.

Daniel Goleman, author of the book titled "Emotional Intelligence" (Bantam Books, USA/Canada, 1995) mentioned a total sum of key attributes/qualities an Emotionally Intelligent person would mostly score such as:

1. Ability to motivate him/herself towards towards achieving a set purpose(s).

2. Ability to persevere in spite of adversity of frustration i.e. things ready wrong.

3. Ability to control impulses and shelve gratification i.e. defer immediate enjoyment in order to guarded a long job goal e.g. financial security.

4. Mental Stamina evidenced by the ability regulate one's moods and stay distress from swamping one's ability to think.

5. Ability to have empathy i.e. be sensitive to the feelings or emotions of others.

6. Ability to get along amongst other people.

7. Ability to get into "flow" or "the zone".

Reading through Goleman's book, I ought to not benefits noticing that most of the attributes he outlined for an Emotionally Intelligent person are those that are essential for an entrepreneur to succeed. In fact, a careful look at the lives/stories of achievement of several successful entrepreneurs reveals this properties reached their goals by displaying those attributes of Emotionally Intelligent persons stated by Goleman!

This, in my opinion supplementary underscores Goleman's submission that triumph in life has significantly a lower number of to do with academic genius iq and much more to do amidst Emotional Intelligence. The foregoing explains why - and HOW - it so takes place the current majority of highly successful entrepreneurs today in multiple portions of the world ARE class moderate outs(or in some examples even UN-schooled). It also confirms that lack of formal schooling is NOT a fatal handicap towards achievement of success in life.

Emotional Intelligence Can Be Taught

It is generally agreed that unlike genius iq which cannot be altered much by education, multiple rule emotional competencies can be learned and improved upon - if properties are taught - especially from childhood.

As was stated by Goleman in his book, academic intelligence offers almost no preparation for the shades of adversity or options that life's experiences will bring.

What Emotional Intelligence Is NOT

There is but a problem how with the manner in that some homeowners have quickly latched on to/used the argument that academic ability/IQ is not a guarantee of triumph in life. They loudly say "getting along in others" as a critical skill/emotional competence crucial for social success.

While I acknowledge that "interpersonal skill" is indeed an law skill, my observations of certain of those who emphasize their "getting along with others" in order to succeed, makes me worry that they think it ought to be done at all and ANY cost.

In other words, INTEGRITY and SINCERITY of purpose/intent are NOT given any consideration. Thankfully, reading further in Goleman's book, I was relieved to find this he had talked about this question pretty comprehensively in "Chapter 8 - The Social Arts".

Now the major danger inherent in this moment kind of thinking is that it inadvertently confers a cloak of credibility on insincere and manipulative individuals who exploit this social relationships for selfish ends. (E.g. to look good or gain wide approval from everyone they consider important or relevant).

That is why I believe it is important to clearly identify specific instances when "getting along with others" performs not convert to being Emotionally Intelligent in the TRUE sense of the expression.

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The Anchorless Social Chameleon

Goleman used this expression to describe certain individuals in society who are (as he put it) "champions at making good impressions. They are typically driven by a NEED to curry favour, earn approval of others at almost any value - in my opinion, a negative manifestation of "getting along amidst others". I say negative because it is devoid of INTEGRITY.

Below I now provide a specific example of the behaviour such individuals might exhibit:

Saying One Thing & Doing Another. Having no independent opinion. Lacking the ability (or willingness) to assert themselves EVEN when the need is distinguishable or apparent.

They are obsessed with "madly making an attempt to fit in with whosoever they are with"(Re: Goleman). They do this by actively checking people they relate with for signs of how they like or want, before making a response. For instance, properties would voice an opinion "guided" by what properties know (or think) the person they are with wants to hear.

As Goleman stated in his book, "To get along and be liked, they are prepared to take in people they dislike think properties are friendly amid them". (I consider this a appallingly UNFULFILLING way to dwell livlihood - at the mercy of each whim and caprice of others!).

Incidentally, as pointed out by Goleman, the ability to "get along" in the manner depicted above can be quite useful in certain careers (e.g. diplomacy, sales, trial law etc). However, in "normal" society, where having integrity, sincerity, and a CONSCIENCE are (hopefully) valued, the need to strike a nice match between having "social polish" for becoming along amidst others and being TRUE to oneself becomes genius iq imperative.

Anyone who loses sight of the fact too having genius iq EMOTIONAL INTEGRITY is more valuable and essential THAN winning social approval, performs him/herself a great disservice in the long term.

To be true to yourself, and NOT be a Social Chameleon, or to have emotional integrity, you could - regardless of the potential social possible results - be willing to employ non-combative confrontation as the need may happen (and it always DOES every now and when that happens in life) to tackle any appearances of "duplicity or denial" you detect in those you relate with. As Goleman properly noted, the foregoing is NOT something the Social Chameleon would consistently attempt - for obvious reasons.


It is my considered belief that the ability to keep in good shape relationships and remain friends depends on the whatever may be the prevailing socio-cultural values in a society as properties compare with the individual's personal morals/values, principles, aware etc.

Consider a society in that dissemination based on race, gender, tribe, ethnicity etc exist as defined by, say, a ruling class.

You (and your offspring's) ability to achieve something (financially, educationally etc) to a sizeable extent in so environment ought to depend on how the prevalent discrimination rules affect you. If they favour you (E.g. you belong to the favoured group), then you are a larger amount of are innate to succeed. If they don't, when that happens you could be "doomed" to failure!

In the latter instance, the question would be how far out on a limb are able to you be willing to go to challenge this kind of discrimination and fight for redress against people who established it and who hold/use power. This question must be considered against the likely horrible consequences that could results - such as a possible loss or your freedom and that much friends!

Nelson Mandela (apologies to those who appreciated I have expended his model more as opposed to yet in past articles) through his struggle against apartheid supplies us an excellent reference situation in point, the illustrates the consequences mentioned in the preceding paragraph.

Put the question this way: How favorably might you be able to get along investing in others if you embarked on just but widely unpopular campaign such as the above? To dogmatically ask the "getting along in on others" to succeed, you may own to compromise your values, principles and beliefs (e.g. close your eyes to racial injustices) in order to "keep" your friendships among those who do Times you disapprove of.

Essentially, I am saying a certain "conducive" societal understanding is required for effective application of the Emotional Intelligence of "getting along provided others" to occur.

Self-Development/Performance Enhancement Specialist Tayo Solagbade - works as a Multipreneur, helping individuals/businesses develop and implement strategies to carry out the genius iq goals, quicker and more profitably.

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